What is and isn’t Psychotherapy?
I’m Bingwan Liu, a psychotherapist licensed in NY and NJ
My work is inspired by Jungian analysis and our capacity to use metaphors, stories, imagination, and dreams to integrate our experiences
I’m passionate about helping people thrive, especially when you find it hard to imagine
I offer online therapy only and don’t take insurance
Click here to book a free 15-minute phone consultation
My Bio
I was born in China and went to Columbia University to study clinical social work in 2012. I have practiced psychotherapy since 2014 and find deep joy in helping people cultivate the capacity to navigate their inner lives and thrive.
(Jargon warning!) I use Jungian analysis, psychodynamic therapy, and Somatic Experiencing to help you recognize and integrate aspects of yourself you may be unaware of, empowering you to make lasting inner changes.
You may occasionally hear my dog, Buddy, talk in his dreams while we work together to help you dream toward who you are in sessions.
1. Psychotherapy is not about me fixing you and ending your suffering once and for all, so you live a life with no more troubles. Psychotherapy is about me helping you develop the capacity to navigate your suffering and life challenges and build a life that matters to you.
Wouldn’t it be nice if I had a cure for your emotional challenges or a guidebook that guarantees a good life? As a therapist in therapy, for a long time, I thought that as long as I worked hard on myself, I would be able to live a life filled with peace and love, no more suffering. But oh, was I deluded. There is no “rising above“ the complexity and mystery of life and living, no matter how much you and I wish for it. This is not something I can give you.
What I can and will give you, however, is the tool of self-recognition and self-understanding. Why does this tool matter? In the midst of life difficulties and emotional upheavals, you can use this tool to orient yourself and illuminate your path forward, rather than going in circles in your responses, unconsciously repeating the same patterns, and walking into similar challenges. Life doesn’t become easier, and pain doesn’t go away, but you become better at navigating them in a way that feels enriching to you.
2. Psychotherapy is not about me providing you with solutions to your problems. Psychotherapy is about me helping you recognize your psychological patterns that make your life more difficult than it is. It is about me helping you work on your patterns, develop the ability to self-reflect, and change.
A patient recently said to me in a heated moment, "If you don't tell me what to do, then what are you, an emotional trash can?" The patient felt I needed to tell them what they should do to solve their problem, or I was completely passive and useless. I answered, "No, I am a guide to your psyche. I can help you explore your inner world and find a way through your struggles and challenging emotions. You will gradually take in my ability as yours and learn to find the way yourself."
It is better to teach you how to fish than to give you a fish to eat. Although telling you what to do may satisfy you in the short term, this is limited. I can help you develop a curiosity about your emotional experience and cultivate the capacity to understand your emotions. Even after our work ends, you can continue to use this capacity to understand the nature of your emotional fluctuations. You can learn how to respond to yourself and solve problems in your life effectively.
3. Psychotherapy is not an intellectual game of collecting information about yourself; Psychotherapy is a process of experiencing your unique inner life and practicing change in the present.
A few years ago, a patient asked me, "Why can't I use self-help books instead of psychotherapy?" Not long ago, a colleague came to me for supervision and asked me worriedly, "My patients can use ChatGPT to find more comprehensive answers than I can provide. Why do they come to me for psychotherapy?"
Psychotherapy is not an information-gathering process that occurs solely in your mind. Although you may feel satisfied with learning about yourself and understanding why you tend to behave in certain ways, this does not lead to actual change. Just as a traveler will not look at a map and say they have completed the journey, nor will a patient be cured because they know what caused the pain in their foot.
Psychotherapy is a process of connecting with your emotional and psychological life in a felt sense and practicing change in the present. In psychotherapy, you and I walk one step at a time to help you recognize and understand your psychological patterns. I assist you in practicing changing these patterns in real time. This is like having a personal trainer but for your mental muscles.
4. Psychotherapy is about change toward a brighter, more fulfilling future, which comes from understanding, respecting, and caring for yourself rather than criticizing yourself.
I sometimes hear patients say, "If I don't criticize myself or tell myself I'm terrible, how can I change?" Many of us have had childhood experiences of being criticized and blamed by our parents when they expect us to correct our behavior. This creates a strong belief that we can motivate change only through lecturing, contempt, and harsh treatment.
The truth is, we only feel bad about ourselves after being criticized and blamed. This attitude cannot help us change in the long run. It only reinforces our sense of inferiority, insecurity, and inability to trust others, which is what we often want to change.
It's understandable if you've had limited experiences of being understood, respected, and cared for. However, a therapeutic relationship based on understanding, acceptance, warmth, respect, care, and compassion provides a nurturing environment. Just as a nourishing meal can satisfy a hungry person, a good therapeutic relationship can help you cultivate a positive attitude toward yourself.
“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”
5. My responsibility is to help you understand your feelings, thoughts, impulses, behaviors, sensations, dreams, and imaginations, big and small. Your responsibility is to share as much as possible about what you think, feel, sense, and fantasize about, including content (positive and negative) about me.
One of my mentors likened effective therapists to lightning rods beside a house. The therapist acts as a conduit, drawing the patient's 'lightning' (unprocessed emotions, feelings, etc.) to themselves. This process enables the therapist to understand the patient's experience through deep empathy, thereby providing crucial support throughout the therapeutic process.
The 20th-century psychoanalyst Wilfred Bion (1962) introduced the concept of “negative capability” in psychotherapy. In simpler terms, “negative capability” refers to the therapist's ability to sit with the patient's uncertainties and refrain from rushing to provide answers or interpretations. This allows the patient to explore their thoughts and feelings, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves. The more the therapist can tolerate emotions, conflicts, ambiguities, and uncertainties in the treatment process, rather than judge or prematurely conclude about the patient, the more effectively they can help the patient develop self-awareness and emotional modulation capacity.
My mentor and Bion both emphasize several essential elements of successful treatment: the therapist's acceptance and nonjudgment of the patient, the therapist's humble attitude of "I don't know," and the therapist's openness and capacity to play, imagine, and speculate.
I invite you to enter this open and sensitive space. Sometimes, you may feel it's safer to close your heart and not share specific experiences, thoughts, or feelings due to shame, embarrassment, or self-criticism. Still, we will lose the opportunity to access and understand your inner world.
6. A therapist who has not explored every corner of their psychology cannot help their patients explore the unknown corners of their psychologies —the same mentor said this to me years ago. It rings increasingly true as time goes by.
The relationship between a therapist and a patient is professional, characterized by clear boundaries. Yet, it is also very intimate. When you agree to enter into a therapeutic relationship with me, you make available the sensitive pulse of your psychological life for me to perceive, connect with, and interact with. My intuition, capacity to understand you, and choices of words (what I say, how I say them, and when I say them) profoundly impact you.
Because I know the stakes are high, I am committed to exploring and working through my own psychological patterns. Specifically, I undergo long-term personal psychoanalysis three times a week. I consult with Dr. Mark Winborn, a renowned Jungian analyst and psychoanalyst, once a week to further develop my clinical skills. I also practice Zen meditation. I reflect diligently on my approaches in sessions and take good care of myself so that, when you sit in front of me, I can devote my full presence and skills to helping you.
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