What is and isn’t Psychotherapy?
I’m Bingwan Liu. A psychotherapist licensed in NY and NJ
My work is inspired by Jungian analysis and our capacity to use metaphors, stories, imagination, and dreams to integrate our experiences
I’m passionate about helping people thrive, especially when it’s hard to imagine it’s possible
I offer online therapy only and don’t take insurance
Click here to book a free 15-minute phone consultation
My Bio
I was born in China and went to Columbia University to study clinical social work in 2012. I have practiced psychotherapy since 2014 and find deep joy in helping people cultivate the capacity to navigate their inner lives and thrive.
(Jargon warning!) I use Jungian analysis, psychodynamic therapy, and somatic experiencing to help you recognize and integrate what you don’t know about yourself.
You may occasionally hear my dog Buddy talk in his dreams while we dream you into who you are together in sessions!
1. Psychotherapy is not an intellectual game of finding causes or collecting information about your past; it is a process of experiencing your unique inner life.
A few years ago, a patient asked me, "Why can't I use self-help books instead of psychotherapy?" Not long ago, a colleague came to me for supervision and asked me worriedly, "My patients can use ChatGPT to find more comprehensive answers than I can provide. Why do they come to me for psychotherapy?"
Psychotherapy is not an information-gathering process that only takes place in the head. Psychotherapy is not a deductive game of looking for causes from the past to explain current behavior. Just like a traveler will not look at the map and say that they have completed the journey, or a patient is not cured because they know what caused the pain in their foot.
Psychotherapy is not about acquiring and accumulating knowledge; it is a process where you and I walk one step at a time to help you explore, experience, and make sense of your unique emotional and psychological life.
2. Psychotherapy is not about me providing you with solutions to your problems; it is about me helping you recognize your psychological patterns that make your life more difficult than it is. It is about me helping you work on your patterns and develop the ability to self-reflect.
A patient recently said to me in a heated moment, "If you don't tell me what to do, then what are you, an emotional trash can?" The patient felt I needed to tell them what they should do to solve their problem, or I was completely passive and worthless. I answered, "No, I am a guide to your psyche. After navigating many complex psychological landscapes, I can help you explore your inner world, which is invisible and intangible, and find a way through your struggles and challenging emotions. You will gradually take in my ability as yours and learn to find the way yourself."
It is better to teach you how to fish than to give you a fish to eat. Although telling you what to do can satisfy you in the short term, this is limited. I want to help you develop a curiosity about your emotional experience and cultivate the capacity to understand your emotions. Even after our treatment ends, you can continue to use this capacity to understand the nature of your emotional ups and downs. You can learn how to respond to yourself and solve problems in your life effectively.
3. Psychotherapy is about change toward a brighter, more fulfilling future, which comes from understanding, respecting, and caring for yourself rather than criticizing yourself.
I sometimes hear patients say, "If I don't criticize myself or tell myself I'm terrible, how can I change?" Many of us have had childhood experiences of being criticized and blamed by our parents when they expect us to correct our behaviors. This creates a strong belief that we can only motivate ourselves to change through lecturing, contempt, and harsh treatment.
The truth is, we only feel bad about ourselves after being criticized and blamed. This attitude cannot help us change in the long run. It only reinforces our sense of inferiority, insecurity, and inability to trust others, which is what we often want to change.
It's understandable if you've had limited experiences of being understood, respected, and cared for. However, a therapeutic relationship based on understanding, acceptance, warmth, respect, care, and compassion provides a nurturing environment. Just as a nourishing meal can satisfy a hungry person, this relationship can help you cultivate a positive attitude toward yourself.
“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”
4. My responsibility is to help you understand your feelings, thoughts, impulses, behaviors, sensations, dreams, and imaginations, big and small. Your responsibility is to share as much as possible about what you think, feel, sense, and fantasize about, including content about me.
One of my mentors likened good therapists to lightning rods next to a house. The therapist acts as a conduit, drawing the patient's 'lightning' (unprocessed emotions, feelings, etc.) to themselves. This process allows the therapist to understand the patient's experience through empathy, providing crucial support in the therapeutic journey.
The 20th-century psychoanalyst Wilfred Bion introduced the concept of “negative capability” in psychotherapy. In simpler terms, “negative capability” refers to the therapist's ability to sit with the patient's uncertainties and refrain from rushing to provide answers or interpretations. This allows the patient to explore their thoughts and feelings, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves. The more the therapist can tolerate the emotions, conflicts, ambiguities, and unknowns in the treatment process, rather than judging or prematurely concluding about the patient, the more they can help the patient develop self-awareness and emotional modulation capacity.
My mentor and Bion both emphasize a few essential elements in successful treatment: the therapist's acceptance and non-judgment of the patient, the therapist's humble attitude of "I don't know," and the therapist's openness and capacity to play, imagine, and speculate.
I invite you to enter this open and sensitive space. Sometimes, you may feel it's safer to close your heart and not share specific experiences, thoughts, or feelings due to shame, embarrassment, or self-criticism. Still, we will lose the opportunity to access and understand your inner world.
5. A therapist who has not explored every corner of their psychology cannot help their patients explore the unknown corners of their psychologies —the same mentor said this to me years ago. It rings increasingly true as time goes by.
The relationship between a therapist and a patient is a professional one, characterized by clear boundaries. Yet, it is also very intimate. When you agree to enter into a therapeutic relationship with me, you make available the sensitive pulse of your psychological life for me to perceive, connect with, and interact with. My intuition, capacity to understand you, and choices of words (what I say, how I say them, and when I say them) profoundly impact you.
Because I know the stakes are high, I am committed to exploring and working through my emotional reactions and psychological patterns. Specifically, I undergo long-term personal psychoanalysis three times a week. I consult with Dr. Mark Winborn, a renowned Jungian analyst and psychoanalyst, once a week to further develop my clinical skills. I also practice Zen meditation. I diligently reflect on my approaches in sessions and take good care of myself so that when you sit in front of me, I dedicate all my presence and skills to helping you.
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